Brotherhood of the Scar

I had no idea there would be so many positive things coming out of my surgery.

I was a big fraidy cat to get it done. My doctor was amazing, my care impeccable, my recovery immediate and my scar is healing. Everything went well. I had two disks taken out and fused. That means they put in a metal bar and screwed it to my vertebrae and replaced the squishy disks between the vertebrae with plastic. Since my squishy disks had all squished out, my vertebrae were out of place and sawing on my nerve. The surgery completely fixed this. But I digress.

Now total strangers have a commonality that completely circumvents convention. The man pumping my gas the other day (I accidentally pulled into full service, which was worth blogging about all on it's own!) and the bright young accountant I saw at the office both immediately felt at home with me and showed me their scars.

It was really cool, having total strangers completely lower any barriers to chat about something meaningful to them. Really cool.

I mean, I chat. To anyone, about anything. I talk to people in stores, in waiting rooms, at libraries (SHHHH!!). It's one of those things. Out going, yes. I love chatting with people.
I even (sigh) facebook. But that's what I dislike about digital social networking, it's easy to know about everyone's every day life without having any idea of their real stories. What makes them real?

The Brotherhood of People with Cervical Fusions is awesome. How long did you take to feel better? Who did your surgery? Which disks? How long before you were back to work? How are you doing now? Did you follow doctor's orders? What else happened when you got your nerves back? They just jump into these questions. I went to church for three months and hardly anyone mentioned the enormous neck brace I sported. Like it was embarassing and not to be talked about. But those who have BEEN there have no trouble asking the cool questions and delving right in. Of course there are two reasons for this.

They care, because they have had it done too.

They know, they can see the scar, so they identify a commonality.

So many times we go about our shallow little lives without delving into others' reality. Never finding commonalities. And we are less because of it.

How much more wonderful the relationships where you know about each other enough to be sorry they got a diamond, or glad they're pregnant... how would you know? On Facebook or in person when you discover someone is pregnant, you wonder, is that a good thing or is this going to be a huge problem for them? Is this planned or is this going to destroy their relationship? What do I say? So you say, Wow! which, in and of itself, isn't much of a comment, but does show you read the post. (I don't like diamonds, by the way. How would you know? Send pearls! Or colors!)

So many times I find myself inadvertently offending someone because I didn't know enough to comment correctly and they choose to answer defensively. Look, if you REALLY know me, you'd know I do have opinions, but I wouldn't hurt your feelings on purpose for anything. I respect you and how you feel, completely. Politics, religion, idiology, morality, I can put all that aside and still love you and care about you.

We just need something in common.

Thanks, brothers and sisters of the Cervical Fusion. I love all of you, too. And thanks for the lesson.