Strengthening Communication

SO you blog, you have friends you chat with online, you probably have a Yahoo group or two (or 8 or 9) that you follow. Here are some things you have probably noticed with online friends:
1. They can't spell.
2. Some are more technically proficient than you... and where did they get those smileys?
3. You really don't know them.

Unless you are a very good communicator, your message is often misread by others. It's hard to be clear and convey messages that, in person, would be very simple. We speak in person and we pick up each other's body language, stress on which word, etc. It makes a huge difference in print.

Sometimes when I am writing to encourage someone it comes off wrong... once I wrote to cheer someone who was down, and they had gotten over it by the time they got my message, and they were, like, What? I'm fine? Why do you always think I am down? I 'm not like that all the time! Sheesh, I didn't even get points for trying.
So I tried rereading my posts out loud, but since I know what I mean it didn't help my clarification much. And humor! It is easy to make people laugh in person, but in print they don't always get it. When you do a play on words they just think you misspelled. Frustrating. I also tend to be a great wide reciever... "GO LONG!!"
SO I am sticking to form on that one... but I think I am learning that my best communicating is in public. I am going to put together a powerpoint presentation soon and I am really looking forward to it. Usually when I speak in public I offend one person who just isn't going to get it no matter what, but I also get a lot of cudos, so I am HOPING that is a sign. (One time I did a presentation on Strengthening Communication and my big visual was of a hand-drawn cartoon of a bodybuilder --- strength, bodybuilder...get it?--- anyway I offended someone who was disconcerted by his lack of a shirt and his little Speedo. How many bodybuilders do you know that show off their muscles by wearing a suit? Other than Arnold Shwartzenegger--It was a DRAWING people.... ok so besides her lots of people liked my pic. I am NOT Posting one here because I don't want any feedback on the bodybuilder!)

So let me give you a few tips from my Strengthening Communication class:
1. Just do it. Call or write. If you write, you can do it any time and not be worried you're catching them at a bad time or that as soon as you're on the phone some household disaster will occur. Email if that's an option. Send a personalized note.
2. Send something extra. I like to include a little poem or something, like, when I wrote thank you notes to thank people for coming to an event recently, I included this one:
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust.
3. Even in email, include a salutation and a closing like a real letter. If you were making a phone call you'd say, Hello!, Right? A short, terse email is very frosty without any Hello! of any kind. And a closing is a great time to tell you they are important to you and that you care about them.
4. Make a printout of your Christmas list and choose someone to write to every week or month. It's even easier if you print it out on the labels already so all you have to do is stick it on the envelope. Then they're off the list and you won't write to them twice (unless you want to or they write back!)
5. Make short phone calls and people are more likely to call you. There are people I don't call because I know it will take way too long to get extricated or because I know we both like to talk too much! There is a lady at church who calls me and always keeps it under 2 minutes. She gets a funny story from me and gets off. Though she is mentally challenged, I don't mind 2 minutes. Now if she kept me for an hour I'd seriously think about Caller ID.
6. When communicating with family members it's great to have stories to tell them. Write down some things that happened this week, good or bad, and you won't be having long mental blocks when they call or you are writing. My husband calls and just wants to know what I had for breakfast. He's so sweet! He just feels he's missing out. So I always try to have a story for him. For my grandma I save all the paintings and drawings in a manilla envelope and when it's full I send it along with cards made just for her.

Let me end by telling you my story today.
My husband has a very unusual work schedule. I gotta preface with that.
I tucked the girls in last night and one was blocking my view of the room, rather obviously.
"What's going on? Ok, now I HAVE to come in and see what you're hiding."
It turns out she was hiding her sister, who was in bed crying.
"Sweetie, why are you crying?"
I finally got the answer after going between them for a while...
"She said that if I miss the bus and I'm late to school you could go to jail!"
Well, technically this is true. Our state has started new truancy laws. This poor child has missed less than a half hour total of school due to late check ins because the bus either did not pass or passed early and we waited, not knowing. If the bus shows up at noon and picks them up (after they've been waiting since 7am) and brings them to school it's excused, but if I bring her 5 minutes late, I am raising a truant child and flying in the face of all convention and rule about school attendance. It's insane, but it's the new law. I think it's nuts. But I try to comply and get her there on time. Sometimes I am one minute late and have to sign her in. Anyway, she misses one more minute and I have a hearing. Cool, huh!
This is where dad's work schedule comes in. There are a few days a month that he's not there to back me up. So I really need my bedbug to get out of bed on time.
So I said, very cheerfully, "Well, she's right, so I guess you'll just have to get up early every morning!"
She dried her tears and agreed she'd make a greater effort in the mornings to keep Mom from the slammer.
I appreciate that. And she got up and dressed in record time this morning!

Anyway, it's those little moments people want to hear about. The things they would be part of if they were there.
So go write to someone, already!